I am worth it. I am worth it. I am worth it. I am worth it. I am worth it.
"... the idea that each of my partners must be someone I love, care about and want to spend the rest of my life with, has gone from an idealistic notion to a fictitious inability." 



Happy Yet

You have achieved a lot this year and yet sometimes it feels like they don't matter because the goal you've had for longer still remains unchecked. You make vision boards. You take 5 minutes off your day to visualise what you want. You make a playlist of happy songs on Spotify to listen to in the car on your way to work every day in the hopes that it rubs off on your and the universe will respond...to no avail. Every year you sit in bed and cry alone as you watch the same movie, vowing angrily that the next will be different. It will happen. You promise to yourself. You go out looking for love (whatever that is really, some kind of semblance to it) and end up in a dead end fling or the evening's entertainment.
You learned a new word in Norwegian: jeg taper. I lose. 



The pain went away pretty quickly, but the pleasure I’d been promised never came.



It Doesn't Matter

It doesn't matter if you got hit in the face with a metal bar at work causing half your face to bruise till you literally look like a panda. It doesn't matter if you haven't got a lick of makeup on. It doesn't matter if you're wearing your glasses. It doesn't even matter if you're wearing your UO pyjama-style trousers (acceptable form of wearing PJ's in public) and fake Birkenstock slippers. It really doesn't matter if you decide to go and have a drink with a friend and spontaneously decide to go out dancing at your usual spot in the city even if you look like shit.
It seems as if whenever I really don't feel attractive and actually do go out with the intention of having a good time, exciting things happen. Things. That haven't been done in a while. 
What exactly is the conclusion of this story? That I don't have to go out feeling like a million bucks to score? That someone would actually like me no matter how shitty (I think) I look or feel? Or maybe I actually look like a supermodel but nobody actually wants to admit it to me? :P
 Am I really looking? Or am I really just seeking validation in-the-flesh to feed my self? 



Hey a Familiar Face

This will go down in (my) history! I'M ON THE MONKI SITE GUYS, THOUSANDS (maybe millions?) WILL SEE MY FACE! #amifamousyet?




Nine months into 2014 and I've already reached one of my year's goals. The feeling is great, and I bask in the pleasure of achieving my career dreams in a matter of 6 months! So beginning from October 2014 onwards, my listed occupation is: VISUAL MERCHANDISER.
Imagine that. A year ago I had no idea such a job existed until that fateful day I met our new American VM at Carnaby and learned of her journey. It is definitely one I seek to replicate myself, and I've given myself a 5 year plan on this boat I'm halfway sailing back to Europe.
In the meantime, big things are happening. Exposure. Encouragement. Expectations. I've got a higher salary than all my friends in 6 months, than they have slogging away at jobs they hate, in a year, I'm getting a new car which I'm paying for myself without mummy or daddy's help (much). If there's anything I've learnt most it's that people are only attracted to value. Dance to the beat of your drum. Make your own noise, not follow the music like a rat to the Pied Piper. Life is about having fun, making your own fun and when you do, people with follow. There's no benefit in standing in the corner with your arms crossed like some so-called cool cat.
If there's anything I've learnt as well, it's this: 
Never doubt your intuition. 


Secret Garden

I'll write something thought-provoking and profound here when I've figured it out. So for now here's a high-res image of a feature coming soon :) 



I'm really rubbish at updating this blog, mostly because Instagram is my priority and this blog is the dumping ground for all my outtakes. I'm sorry blog but it's the truth *shrugs*
I'm literally wearing Monki from top-to-toe in this set (what's new pussycat?). Monki Millie shirt, Tami dress and Leonor boots, #monkistyle. You're welcome. 
Not sure if Bush is considered a grunge band but Gavin Rossdale's voice in Glycerine reminded me of Kurt who in turn made me think of Winona who inspired this look which actually on second thought looks more like Kyra Sedgewick in Singles than my intended Winona in Reality Bites. But it's okay, they're all essentially inspired by the same era and city and this collection is named Seattle, so it's all good. 




If there's anything I've learnt is that I will not tolerate anymore bullshit verbal abuse that's being slung at me. Spirituality/wellness/self-improvement does not a good person make. You need to readily step back and take a good look at yourself before putting the blame on anyone. I accept the criticism because I know who I am and what I am like. You, on the other hand, do not, instead preferring to delude yourself that you embody all you've read in these manuals. Good luck, I don't care anymore what you think. Stop taking things so literally; always making everyone feel bad about themselves for absolutely nothing or over something that's not within their control. I've had enough. I'm not going to concede defeat anymore. This is the towel, I am throwing it in. Chasing theories will only make you a sad being. I don't know how anyone could put up with this emotional/verbal abuse for so long. It is exhausting to have to stroke that ego all the time. I cannot keep it all in, I want to shout but I know I will not win even though I know I am right. But as they say, we cannot argue with fools. Thank god I had a 2 year break.




I'm wearing: Monki from head to toe

I've been reading Sun Tzu's Art of War and Neil Strauss' The Game simultaneously for the past few days. Other than being hilariously and profoundly entertaining, they proved useful by giving insight into the male/female/human psyche. Both books support social theories than can be applied to daily life; I'm always a sucker for self-improvement & raising my self above others, especially enemies/competitors. Sun Tzu extolled that we must love our enemies. I'm trying to learn to do just that.
Which is ironic because I read my horoscope in the papers the other day: "Being determined will get you places but patience is a more lasting virtue."


30 by 30

Amsterdam, November 2013

Got this idea from another blog, it's now my life goal to visit 30 countries by the time I hit 30. I'm currently 23 (May 2014) and done a fair bit of travelling in my younger days so I'm pretty confident I can achieve this.
Countries I've already visited:
  1. Australia
  2. Belgium
  3. China
  4. France
  5. Germany
  6. Hong Kong
  7. Japan
  8. Luxembourg
  9. Malaysia -- this counts (lol)
  10. Monaco
  11. Netherlands
  12. New Zealand
  13. Portugal
  14. Singapore
  15. South Korea
  16. Spain
  17. Taiwan
  18. Thailand
  19. United Kingdom (England and Wales)
  20. United States
  21. Vietnam  

Nine more countries to go, I hope to be adding Sweden and Norway into this mix soon!



I'll admit: I'm afraid. I'm afraid of falling in love. I'm afraid of someone falling in love with me. With all my faults. With all my mistakes. Despite my vanity. Despite my selfishness. Despite my ugliness inside and outside. I'm afraid I never live up to their expectations. Even if they have none, I'm afraid I won't make a lasting enough impression. I put so much pressure on myself and on this one person to be perfect. We must be perfect. I don't accept less than perfect. 
Perfect doesn't exist. And this is why I'm alone.
It's better this way. 



Where Are You Going Now

I'm waiting for him to make my jaw drop, leave me intrigued, make me anxiously anticipate, hyperventilate over every little move and sweep me off my feet.




Berlin. Berlin. Berlin. It was the city on all my friends' lips when we asked each other on our last day in London what our second favourite European city was & where we'd go if staying and getting a job in London was no more an option. 
 Needless to say when I was planning my trip back to London in April I decided to take the plunge and go to Berlin to see for myself what was so special about this German city with its high unemployment rate, countless vagrants and esteemed nightclubs. And I did it solo.




 top: Monki Amanda satin blouse ; 
shorts: Monki Malin satin shorts ; 
tank top: Cheap Monday
socks: Monki ;
sneakers: New Balance 510 

Something funny happened to me on my last day in London when I wore this pair of New Balance's to the British Museum. I was sitting down in the Greek sculpture room resting my feet and checking my Twitter feed when this group of school boys about 16-17 years old walked up to me and said, "Excuse miss, you've got some really nice shoes on". I was so surprised that in a room full of marvellously carved Greek statues these young schoolkids noticed my shoes instead *insert smirk here* Needless to say I had a huge confidence boost that day.
Beating the Monday blues with my favourite Cheap Monday tank (which coincidentally I actually did get for real cheap, it was on sale + staff discount = RM20 SCORE!). The pyjama trend is my absolute favourite, it's perfect for those lazy days off; I feel like I'm challenging society's standards of social norms when I wear them out. Been in love with the pjyama trend for ages now since my girl Alexa created a palm tree printed pair for her Madewell collection back in 2011 so you can imagine how excited I was when I saw these at Monki. Best part of all? They're on sale now!



Turning 23

Forever 21 dress ; H&M bag ; vintage bowler

Turned 23 last Tuesday and had a combo birthday bash on Saturday. Outfit #1 was for burgers at Hard Rock and then it was onto Zouk with outfit #2 of the night for whiskey and dancing. I celebrated my actual birthday by sitting at the hair salon for 6 hours from 11am to 5pm but it's okay because I. fucking. feel. like. a. unicorn 
 American Apparel tie back dress ; Superga sneakers





Got featured in a local site as part of the local fashion scene; I'm turning 23 in exactly 2 minutes; Happy birthday to me! Here's to another year of pursuing my dreams, doing what I love, being persistent, never losing sight of my goals and mastering my craft. According to The Secret Language of Birthdays I am after all, mastered driven dedication.



Nights Like This

Monki Telly dress ; Jeffrey Campbell Moochie platform sandals 



Chinese jacket: Primark / top: Monki / shorts: vintage shop in Madrid
Short life update: watched Godzilla - it was cute. I'm still working at Monki. I dyed my hair purple last week. I'm turning 23 in 6 days. I still suck at updating this blog.
That will hopefully change...soon. 




I got my hurrr did today. Serving some lilac realness, straight out the bottle I hand-carried from Germany.



Another throwback post, this time of my trip to Amsterdam in November '13. Amsterdam is as picturesque as everyone has described with its canals, bicycles and houseboats - and not to forget,  Dutch boys!
One thing I didn't expect to enjoy as much was the food! Pannenkoeken, frikandel, fries with mayonnaise (& a myriad of other weird toppings if you prefer - sambal, satay!) 
I stayed with my good friend Kelly at her place for 6 nights and couldn't ask for a more gracious host. While she had to go to work, I spent my days traipsing along the canals in Jordaan with a paper cup of vlaamse fritens in hand. During the weekend, we went to a house party at her boyfriend's brothers' truly amazing loft. I wish I could take pictures of the place! It was the epitome of hipster - bike rails, handmade wooden furniture, metal bars and railings and let's not to forget its inhabitants (whom I fell in love with and discovered was gay - another story).
Last night in Amsterdam dinner and drinks with my beautiful host!