Ji Nilsson - Heartbreakfree

If I didn't know better I'd let you touch me, but you can't shut me out if I don't let you in.




Secretly part of me wishes he'd invite me to stay with him again in Berlin. But another deep deep deep part of me tells me he won't. And yet I still fucking hope.




"Am I the sidepiece?" I wondered as I lay on his bed the night after.
I can't really tell if that really affects me or not. From experience my mind tells me in the words of Ji Nilsson, let's be "heartbreakfree". But when he puts his arms around me I can't help but want a little more...and then I stop myself because it is crazy talk. I kinda want to be the only girl, but I also kinda don't want to be your only girl, y'know?

Today as I sat in the Tesco parking lot, I realised that after what happened last year, I am really fucking good and shutting off feelings I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel sad. I don't want to feel angry. I don't want to feel pain. I don't want to feel. Full stop. I sat back in my seat while waiting for the tow truck and dreamt of Stockholm.