I'm torn into two. On one hand it was magical to meet N in Berlin, it confirmed everything I believed he was/is and I know I'm still not over him.

On the other hand, things with N will not change. Everything is the same. 

I like P. P and I share this angry honest relationship. He's kind of like N but not so distant. He's kind of like A but not so affectionate. 

Somehow I think there's more chance of a future with P than N. It could be age. 

Nobody will compare to N, everyone will always be held against him but it doesn't change that I need to move on. I can't keep waiting and pining for someone/something that may not ever happen.